Who wears a wallet chain?!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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