paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
