So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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