a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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