Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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