I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
