The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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