Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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