wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
