Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
