nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
