I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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