she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
