it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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