i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
