he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
