we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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