He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm both gender and math confused
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
