Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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