i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
