im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
