Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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