Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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