sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
