U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
