we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
