Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
