My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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