am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
