I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
