i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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