i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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