The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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