How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
