I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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