He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
