My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
