I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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