my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
