he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
