you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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