SEEEEXXX PLEASE
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
