he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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