i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
