his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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