should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
