It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
