those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
