If i could tip my vagina, i would.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
