he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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