the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
