I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We got so high we made milksteak
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
