I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
